First day in the Hive - Now

The George Lucas Numbering Paradox states that the value of any given number depends on its position in space-time.

Though scientists had their own uncertainty paradoxes before, the introduction of the Star Wars Prequels - which effectively shifted such basic numbers as 1, 2 and 3 to 4, 5 and 6 - made their worst nightmares come true: numbers were from this time on rational or irrational based on the observers perception of time.

And as an observer tends to be the most irrational factor in life, rationality went out of the door quickly, both in numbers and in debate

Ironically, this fact placed George Lucas number 1 (if t = 2016) of the list of 'Disruptive Innovators of Science' and quadrupled the sales of Star Wars films and memorabilia.

The scientist community countered by condemning all Star Wars Prequels to be 'crap' but this was naturally dismissed by the larger public.

On a side note: the Number of the Beast to this day remains 666, independent of time but that's only logical...

- Wikipedia (2017)

Agnew Tudisz ('Noo' to his friends) read the daily office mail. "Have great 24-hour celestial body axis rotation!", it proclaimed, but Noo was not having a great first day at work. Not only had it taken him a full hour to get through security and obtain bad coffee from a paranoid coffee machine, he now was also trying to get rid of a da heiwa that kept appearing at his desk.

Just out of nowhere this guy stood there and sort of smiled sort of politely. "Hellooo... you meeting now", he said and smiled expectantly.

Noo smiled back, "This is my first day at work, and I haven't even logged in yet. Did you send me an invite?"

The da heiwa smiled again, sort of. "Aha, me...", he pointed to himself, "me, Lemon. You, meeting now."

Noo frowned, "Lemon, you are called after a fruit? Why??? By the way, I am Noo" and he smiled.

Lemon smiled again, but started to think that this conversation was not going as he needed. "Yes, me I choose good name! Fresh! Good for spirit!", and then got back to business, "You are Noo? Noo Tudisz? You, meeting now. We wait for you. Now."

Noo smiled even broader and said, "I will come in a minute, will need to log in first. OK?"

Lemon thought he understood, turned around and was gone. Noo made a mental note that Lemon, unlike the girl at reception he met earlier did not use a Goggl Translat.

One minute later, Lemon was back.

"Noo? Do you come to meeting?"

Noo groaned, "I told you, not now"

"Ah, but meeting now"

"What's the meeting about then?"

"You find in mail", Lemon said happily.

"When was it sent?"

"Just now", Lemon said. He was getting a bit impatient, "So you come to our meeting?"

Noo gave up, "OK, let's see what this is all about. You were going to keep asking anyway, right?"

Lemon smiled, "Yes, for now..."

Together they walked to a meeting room, rather shabby compared to the magnificence of the reception Noo thought. Thirteen da heiwa were waiting and busily chatting in their own language. Noo saw M'Axuel amke some notes in his black book. Noo sat down and talk stopped immediately. Thirteen pairs of unblinking, black round eyes stared at him. M'Axuel scraped his throat and said, "Hello Noo, welcome to meeting. You are late."

"I'm sorry M'Axuel, but I wasn't aware of this meeting...", Noo started. He found it still difficult to pronounce that name correctly, even though he had practiced all weekend, "so, what's the meeting about?"

"Firstly, me Vaseline", M'Axuel announced, "we past now complete to pick customer style name. Me Vaseline, because smooth and soothing qualities for me...", he pointed at Lemon, "she Lemon...", and going down the line of faces introduced Noo to a bewildering array of chosen names: Mario, Heineken, Silk (a rather large brutish looking da heiwa), Audi, Paris.

Noo listened in disbelief, "Why have you chosen those names? People will laugh!", he started.

"Good!", declared Vaseline, "we make customer happy, we sell! Now we do meeting."

He truned to Noo apologetically, "We will now speak in da heiwa language, because very hard to translate and Goggl Translat not updated for technical..."

Then, reassuringly: "Version 2.1 will come soon!", and he smiled. "We will communicate our decision after we talk"

All, thirteen da heiwa immediately started chattering chaotically, and all Noo could gather was that his name was mentioned every other sentence.

Finally, Vaseline sat back and looked at Noo. "Good. We set sales target and discussed action points for you. Most important, you bring me marketing report now..."

Noo tried to say something coherent, but Vaseline cut him off saying, "Lemon will explain and send message. Now I go."

And he was gone. As was everybody else.

Noo went back to his desk and logged on to his computer. There was the message wishing him a 'great 24-hour celestial body axis rotation' and informing him that there was a meeting. Now.

He sat down for a moment, took a sip from the now cold horrendous coffee he had freed from the paranoid coffee machine and thought back over the last hour. It was all a bit much. He had expected a culture gap, but he was quickly learning that he would have to cross a cultural abbyss.

The morning had been good fun. Getting a work pass, having his picture taken. Nice people, the Hive. Very much like us, except their eyes were quite a bit rounder. Very round and black.

And they rarely blinked.

Noo found that he started overcompensating for this when he was talking to the receptionist. Within two minutes he was blinking like a maniac, until she politely asked through her Goggl Translat, "Excuse da heiwa? Is you probably ill? Maybe you need some [undef]?" and handed him a lemon.

"I am sorry", Noo apologized, "it's just that..." and then noticed that the Goggl Translat was probably delivering gibberish to her as well as she started hickuping in amusement.

"Never mind", he said, gently pushed the lemon back to her and went off to his next challenge: the coffee machine...